Mae & Arnold — How Their Births Unfolded
“The Calm Birth refresher course absolutely helped me get my head back in the game again for this birth. This time around I felt I was also better able to utilise the Calm Birth tools and breathing techniques as I was able to reflect on my last birth and work out what I did and didn’t like. I am also so pleased we did the course as Tom was able to see how important an intervention free birth was to me and why, especially when I was having my ‘crisis of confidence’ during transition.”
The birth of Mae- October 2021
My first signs of labour started with regular contractions from 1am on the 13th of October 2021. After timing, them for an hour I decided to wake up Tom to put on the TENS machine as that was part of my plan to put it on early. It was an exciting time however I had not had a lot of sleep the previous days as I was feeling stressed as I was 41 weeks + 6 days and was starting to second guess my decisions about waiting it out for a spontaneous onset of labour, so I decided to go back to bed. Lying in bed I wasn’t able to sleep so I tried to lie there and rest however after about 2 or so hours my contractions started slowing down. We decided that at the first sign of light we would go for a walk to see if we could get things moving. At 5am we watched the sun rise while we were walking around the nearby lake, our plan worked as my contractions ramped up and were 5-6 minutes apart. When we got back home, I discovered that I had lost my mucus plug.
At 7am I decided to call my doula to come to the house. This is something that I decided that I wanted for my birth after doing the Calm Birth course. Cherie was very helpful in helping me find local doulas that would be available. I laboured at home until 12pm using Calm Birth breathing techniques, sitting on a soft birthing stool and stretching against the wall through each contraction, at this point everything was quite manageable. At 12pm we decided that labour was becoming more intense as they were taking my full attention, I was no longer able to chat through them. Up until this point however I was having a very enjoyable time at home and went about normal life.
My MGP midwife met me at the hospital around 12:30 pm and commented on how calm that I seemed and suggested that she should check me to make sure that I was in established labor, I was 5cms dilated and was feeling positive about my progress. However, from then my labour started to ramp up quickly and become a lot more difficult, I was in transition. At home I was able to stand with the support of a wall, but I had been bought to my knees, soon after this I wanted to lie on the bed with a peanut ball between my legs.
It was in my plan in this birth to use the gas, this is something that I decided in my second birth that I would not use as I found it made it difficult to do my Calm Birth breathing. I am also convinced it wasn’t working at all because it seemed to have no effect no matter how hard I breathed. From this point I started to become nauseated and started vomiting between all my contractions, I was unable to stay hydrated and it was difficult to rest in between. All I could do was try and get through each contraction and think that my baby was not far away, and that I didn’t have too much longer to go. After about an hour and half I wanted to change positions to try and move things along, so I sat up on a fit ball with Tom sitting behind me hugging me, this is where I started to feel my first signs of pressure and wanting to push.
I knew that from the Calm Birth class that I needed to let my body get to the point that I could not resist the urge to push. I remined in this stage for another hour. At this point I was feeling really physically and emotionally depleted, I knew that I was ready to push but the pain was starting to get to me and I went through my ‘crisis of confidence’ as I wanted to give up and that I couldn’t do it anymore. At this point I was in the shower, and I allowed myself to surrender and push.
Mae was born en caul (in her amniotic sac) 16 minutes later after only 3 pushes and a quick move to the bed where she was delivered on all fours.
My first birth the Calm Birth course helped me in so many ways. Although at stages throughout the end of my pregnancy journey and during my labour I had doubts questioning if I had made the right decision, I know looking back that I am happy that my birth went as it did as I was able to have my birth exactly to plan. At each stage in my labour myself and Tom were able to estimate what phase I was going through (apart from feeling confused at my prolonged transition/resting phase at the time). But because of this we knew what I needed to do, and Tom knew how he had to support me. Having a doula in the more intense stages of labour was also incredibly helpful for both me and Tom as this is tricky to navigate when you have never done it before. Prior to the Calm Birth class, I was so scared of labour and felt like I couldn’t go through labour the way I did, but it gave me confidence in my body and its abilities and gave me the best chance at getting though labour without intervention.
The birth of Arnold- June 2024
Having gone into my first labor as almost overconfident after doing the Calm Birth course, I was greatly humbled by the experience. Because of this I felt like I needed to do the refresher course to get my head back in the game. Although I had a birth most would have dreamed of, the pushing phase of Mae’s birth was incredibly intense as it was very quick! I found it extremely painful despite not suffering any tears, but I had sustained quite significant grazes anteriorly which I had not been expecting or prepared for. I was also extremely fortunate to have the same midwife again through MGP which given her continuity she was able to help me work through these feelings and work out that it was probably the position I was in when I gave birth, which enabled me to plan my birth differently this time. For this birth I had planned for a waterbirth which helped me feel as this would make all the difference in the pushing phase that I struggled with the most last time.
Through going to the Calm Birth morning teas my friendship with Cherie developed and I decided to ask Cherie to be my doula for this birth. We weren't sure if we needed a doula for this birth but because I was having doubts about managing to get through labor intervention free, we thought it was a good idea. I was fearful of the pushing phase, therefore I really felt like I needed still need the extra support for this birth.
The calm birth morning teas were also so beneficial throughout new motherhood. Being a part of the Calm Birth community is so special because if you're like me and like to get out and about as you start to see each other everywhere you go and it's easier to connect because you know you already have that initial bond and common ground. I still have some very important mum friends in my life that I met in my initial Calm Birth class.
For Arnolds birth I has been in and out of early labour for days. I was having really strong regular tightening's sometimes as regular as 6 minutes at times, but they did not feel painful enough to be in established labour and would eventually fizzle out. Being my second birth Arnold was born at 41 weeks (6 days earlier than Mae), this time the hospital had changed its practices around early inductions and stretch and sweeps so I was not feeling pressure about being coerced into induction again. However, I had other pressures that were playing on my mind such as organising care for Mae my first child when I went into labour as I was worried that the labor and uncertainty would scare her.
The day before Arnold’s Birth
The morning the day before Arnold was born, I had been having contractions around 3-6 minutes apart and had been having tightening’s all night. I was really excited about it happening today as I'd had a fantastic sleep over night and had loads of energy. I was still second guessing if I was in early labour or not however because they did not seem painful enough so I was trying to decide if I would put the TENS machine on or not as my plan was to get in on early again, I ended up putting it on around 11am. Tom was at work still and I wasn’t sure if I should call him home or not, Luckily, I had a friend who I had organised to go for a walk with in in the morning and she spent some time with me as mum had taken my daughter out for the morning.
It was playing on my mind about being nervous about getting though the birth again despite focusing on positive thoughts throughout my pregnancy, but having a friend around was a great distraction for me and allowed me not to go into a dark place. I spoke with my midwife and Cherie who thought that labor was likely beginning and that I should get Tom to come home from work. I organised my mum to come and collect Mae’s things so she could take her back to her place to stay the night as I wanted to be super prepared and organised. Only for it to all fizzle out AGAIN!
I was going through so many emotions by this stage and spent a lot of time on the phone with my midwife and Cherie as I was really struggling with being separated from Mae knowing it was the last time I would spend with her before Arnold was born. I was struggling with the decision if we should bring Mae home or not as I was trying to work out when I would go into labour. In the end after spending many phone calls to my midwife and Cherie we decided to go to my mum’s house and have dinner and bring Mae home with us.
The morning of Arnolds Birth
I couldn’t really sleep that night, I tossed and turned and around 1am contractions came on STRONG! After about 3-4 contractions I knew this was it, so I woke Tom up and got him to put the TENS back on again. Contractions were about 4mins apart and lasting over a minute in duration. They were taking all of my attention to get through. Mae was asleep at this stage but once she herd us up and about she ended up getting up with us both, She was happy and excited for the baby to come. I was using my Calm Birth breathing techniques and was using the fit ball on all fours and rolling back and forth through contractions.
At 2:22am I called Cherie to come, and mum to come and look after Mae, contractions were about 3minutes apart. 30 minutes later Cherie arrived; Tom was reading to Mae. Not long after Mum arrived and I asked Mae if she wanted to go to bed and she said, “I’m happy, and I want to stay with mummy”. Between contractions we were talking to her about what she would do the next day, and during contractions she would tell me that I was doing a good job. Cherie was rubbing my back and it felt really helpful. Cherie braided my hair, after I asked for a vomit bag as I was starting to feel nauseated.
At 3:17am Cherie asked if the midwives had been called, I had forgotten! I spoke with the midwives who through that I should make my way in immediately. I informed them that I was wanting a water birth, this when I was told there wasn’t one available! They said they would try to get one ready for me ASAP. 10 minutes later we said our goodbyes to Mae and said next time we see you you’ll get to meet your baby brother. She was really excited.
At 3:35am we all arrive at the hospital and headed up to the ward via the stairs, a few contractions on the way. Tom carrying the bags and being a great support. We settled into our room, lights off, nature sounds on, clary sage oil close by, I was the on fit ball on all fours, the TENS machine working well and using birth comb (which was not so useful). The ward midwife said they were all doing their best to get me a room with a bath, I was incredibly upset at this point about not having the bath. Not having the bath was really messing with my headspace, it was creating a lot of anxiety as I was counting on the water immersion as a coping mechanism.
At 4am my MGP midwife arrived and offered a CTG as I had not noticed a lot of movements that day which I declined. Cherie started offering iced water between contractions which I liked. Tom stayed by my side, rubbing my back. 10 minutes later Tom helped me to the toilet, and I noticed I had lost my mucus plug. My contractions were about 2 minutes apart.
At 4:20am My MGP midwife was still working hard to get bath. I was beginning to feel A LOT of pressure in my lower back and down below, so much so that I couldn’t remain on all fours and had to move to the bed, lying on my side with the peanut ball between my legs. In this moment I felt convinced that if I had the bath, it would have been incredibly helpful to relieve that lower pressure and give me a sense of weightlessness. By this time, I was having very strong contractions. 10 minutes later I had a large vomit for the first time. Luckily it does not continue like my last labour. I was able to rest in-between contractions as I was having some longer gaps in-between.
By 5am I was feeling really hot and needed some cold cloths which felt really good, I stripped off to my underwear and Tom helped me to the toilet again which was really difficult. By 5:30am I was at the point where I was saying “I don’t think I can do this anymore, I need to see the anaesthetist, I just can’t do this, I know it looks like I’m coping but I’m not, it’s just too hard and I can’t do it!”. Not having the bath was really messing with my head. At this point my Midwife, Tom & Cherie are all being very encouraging with their words and remaineding me of how important it was to me to have a intervention free birth. However, I no longer cared at this point as I still didn’t have the bath and it felt as if my birth plan had gone out the window.
At 5:45am they suggested changing to my other side, which I did. My midwife said the bath can be ready soon and she just had to go out of the room for a bit to help get the other room ready. By this point I was adamant that I wanted an epidural. My team continued to encourage me that I could do it, but by this time was incredibly frustrated and at 5:50am I told Tom “I don’t give a shit Tom!” when he tried to tell me I don’t need the anesthetist. At 6am Cherie encouraged me to use the refocus breath in-between contractions and really focusing on my breathing. It helps…. A little….. At 6:10am we bring the fit ball on the bed, and I manage to move to sitting on feet leaning over fit ball. I am beginning to feel the first signs of needing to push.
At 6:15 my Midwife is back and says the bath is ready! 13 minutes later we arrive in the new room, and I LOVE the bath! I feel instantly relaxed by it and find it helps with the weightlessness that I had been craving. At 6:32 my waters break, my midwife notices some meconium in the water, she tells me my options, I decide to stay in the bath.
At 6:41am Arnold is born, after two contractions, head with first contraction. 10 minutes later I make my way to the bed, to deliver the placenta. I am given Artificial oxytocin in thigh due to my small PPH from my last birth and Tom cuts the cord.
“I felt instantly relaxed when I finally got into the water.”
At 7:08am others have been called to help deliver placenta as I am having another PPH where they insert cannula and given me more drugs and help me deliver my placenta. This time I have lost almost 2L of blood but by 7:30am I am stable. Throughout this time, I was still able to enjoy my skin to skin time with Arnold. I was not too concerned about the turn of events as I was too exhausted to care.
At 7:40am Tom lets our family know of Arnolds arrival. I continue to enjoy skin to skin, with no extra people in room, everything calm and peaceful. Tom heads off to get everyone coffee. An hour later we video call Mae to tell her and show her the good news. After the call Tom has his first hold, skin to skin with Arnold. Shortly after Arnold is weighed at 5.23kg (11 pound 5 ounces).
Unfortunately for this birth I received a 3rd degree tear and had to go to theatre for repair, most likely because Arnold was so big and because I had another very short pushing phase of 16mins again! However, despite this I felt like his delivery was much less painful than Mae’s. I had to stay in hospital overnight as Arnold needed monitoring due to the meconium in the water and me because of my blood loss. However, we were able to go home the next day. 18 Months on from the birth I have recovered well from the tear, it has been a long journey but with the support of the pelvic health physio’s life is now back to normal with just a few minor adjustments to consider.
The Calm Birth refresher course absolutely helped me get my head back in the game again for this birth. This time around I felt I was also better able to utilise the Calm Birth tools and breathing techniques as I was able to reflect on my last birth and work out what I did and didn’t like. I am also so pleased we did the course as Tom was able to see how important an intervention free birth was to me and why, especially when I was having my ‘crisis of confidence’ during transition. I am so grateful to all my birth support team of Tom, Cherie and my Midwife because I'm sure had I not had the right support people for this birth I probably would have ended up having an epidural which is not what I wanted at all, even though I said so at the time. Given that Arnold was such a big baby this probably would have introduced a multitude of issues for me during and after the birth had gone down this route.
Nat
“At 7:40am Tom lets our family know of Arnolds arrival. I continue to enjoy skin to skin, with no extra people in room, everything calm and peaceful. Tom heads off to get everyone coffee. An hour later we video call Mae to tell her and show her the good news. After the call Tom has his first hold, skin to skin with Arnold. Shortly after Arnold is weighed at 5.23kg (11 pound 5 ounces).”
